Dear Liam,

I woke up much earlier then I expected, I heard voices downstairs I recognized them as my grandmother and my Uncle whom I wasn't expecting, my mom was at work. I was apprehensive about going downstairs and seeing everyone again after all this time so I stayed upstairs and kept quiet. After a while i decided to let go of my anxiety and go downstairs where I saw that my uncle was crying, upset about my grandfather's death, it made me extremely sad and teary eyed. I had not seen my grandmother yet because she was out. Soon I heard a ring at the door, it was my aunt with my cousin. It was unexpected, seeing all this family all in one go. I managed to get on the internet on my uncle's laptop I was disappointed not to see anything from him, but I knew he was at his parents. I thought at least he would have texted me or something to see if I landed okay, but nothing. I'm not sure what to make of it, but I was feeling emotional so I sent him a message saying that I missed him and that I was thinking of him. Thoughts of him weighed heavily on my mind, but I was soon distracted by my aunt, he daughter and trying to get the wireless set up which took ages. My grandmother arrived home and it was a full house, I tried not to stress about it and just go without he flow. I allowed myself to just have a lazy relaxed day, but then I really needed to take the steps to get my life back on track. Later on  when my mom came from work while I was helping my aunt to put movies on her new Ipad, I got the impression that she might have been slightly jealous by some of the comments she was making. I tried to ignore them, I don't want to have anger towards my mother, I need to accept that she will always do things that will annoy me.
In the evening I got a call from a friend of mine and tomorrow I'm having dinner with another, it's really good to reconnect! I also started looking at job options, but I really need to get into it full force.
I feel as though I'm in limbo between the Netherlands and being in Ottawa, my heart still aches for him, but I also try and remember all the awful things he's done and said to me.  The way he treated me when  i found out my grandfather died, his over reactions, lack of compassion, not putting me first….his general lack of effort and commitment. The last part I understand, but other things are just not forgivable.