Dear Liam,

The last few days have been depressing, things here are so up and down but lately it's not going my way.
He hasn't responded to my last message and it's been 3 days, plus I haven't heard back yet from that dream flight attendant job. I know I need to forget him, but it's hard. I have thoughts of going back to the Netherlands, while my visa is still valid I just wish I had some more money at the moment. Sometimes I think I miss the Netherlands more then him, it's like getting ripped out of my environment. I know it might be nice for a few days, but I was even more lost and miserable there. It's hard to let go, and also to digest how much I've screwed up my life. I wish I could find a man, get a job and a place in one shot, but it's going to take some time. I've gone to interviews and gotten phone calls from recruiters for potential jobs, but so far nothing has panned out. I can't stop thinking about The Netherlands in Leiden, but it would be ridiculous to go back there at this point. I just wish I could be everywhere at once, I truly have an addiction to traveling. Right now I feel the need to get out of there, maybe go teach English somewhere in Asia, I just want some fresh experiences.

I'm scared to think a lot of the time because the opposite always seems to happen. I'm worried about hoping, anticipating only to be devastated. I don't know how one person can go through so much in their lives, I just need a break from it all...

I just wish I could be pleasantly surprised and that things would go my way for once...

Anyway Liam, today is St Patrick's day! Judging by your name and your looks, I'm fairly certain you had plenty of Irish in you. I hope you are celebrating, wherever you are.