Dear Liam,

I feel sick to my stomach…emotionally I'm in pain and my body feels in pain too.
I finally spoke to him after nearly two weeks of not communicating, but clearly that wasn't long enough. I was having a good day, I saw him online and felt the sudden urge to speak to him. I was hoping things had changed, that he had gotten some perspective, but things only seem worse. He was so mean to me, he sees me in such a negative light, he's so negative about everything. I put everything on the line, I begged him and he kept on hurting me over and over. I tired everything to make him see that we were worth saving and he pretty much was refusing to lift a finger. Yet I still couldn't let go no matter how much I was being tortured. I knew I had to stop putting myself out there, but this connection I thought i had, our past how things were kept pushing. He was very snappish towards me, cruel even kept saying over and over why things were not working and that he wanted to do everything his way. How can I deal with someone so selfish?
I use to look up to him, but maybe I just need to see once in for all that he doesn't see the world the way I see it, or the way I think most people would see it. He's stuck in his thoughts and his own little bubble and apparently there's very little I can do about it. I really wanted to give our relationship a try here in Canada, but why should I keep putting energy into somebody that doesn't want to be with me? I knew there was a good chance things would be that way but when it happened it hurt me to my core, I can't stop crying I don't even know how to move on especially when he talks about travelling without me. I just wish he would just try, but he's not, he's given up and that's that. I wish I could let it go, this person he's treated me so horrible and is getting away with it, it's like getting away with murder and then being praised for it. It's also hard to let go of the Netherlands, letting go of him is almost like letting go of there, it's turned into my home. The one things I've changed so much, at least for the better I just wish the relationship had not gotten ruined the process. I need to imagine my life without him, life alone…I haven't done this in so long, I don't even know what to do with myself. I'm scared for my future, i'm upset that I keep ruining everything in my life. I'm also realizing that in the big picture I'm young and at least I'm learning now. Part of me wants to get on the next flight to him, but I can't do that to myself, given the way things are it's not logical. I want to prove that it can work so desperately, I need to let go of that, it's so hard…it's like trying to forget how to breathe.
All he kept doing during our conversation was saying things that he knew would hurt me over and over again why can't i be happy on my own, how i'm pushing him, how maybe we were meant for another lifetime, how maybe we would meet in the future, how he's not willing to sacrifice himself, how he's going to asia (even though i saked him not to bring it up) etc…

I swear he's evil…why should i take anymore punishment from him
he seems to just take offence to the fact that I wanted to be with him so badly…