Dear Liam,

It can't get any worse...

How do you know when you've truly hit rock bottom? For me this is definitely it. The last few months of my life have felt like a never ending nightmare. I keep trying to make things better, trying to work hard at being a better person, but life keeps challenging me in unexpected ways. Part of me is grateful for the lessons I have learned but the other part of me feels destroyed by the damage that has been left along the way due to my instability.

At the moment I've got two days left in the Netherlands. I'm ready to move and get out of here, but I'm reluctant, because I don't want to fail. I've hardly got any money left to my name and I have to move in back with my mother in Ottawa. Last year I had an amazing person by my side whom I hurt deeply over and over again, I threw it all away to be with someone whom I hardly knew and thought I was in love with. I moved to Leiden in the Netherlands to be with him after we met in Malaysia. Two weeks after I moved I in with him I could tell that I had made a mistake. I still was determined to make the relationship work, but things got worse. Now he and I are both at our breaking point, too much has gone on between us to ignore.  Now I have to leave half my things behind, and start again in Ottawa. I've started this blog in order to keep track of my progess and my motivation going.
t want to fail. I've hardly got any money left to my name and I have to move in back with my mother in Ottawa. Last year I had an amazing person by my side whom I hurt deeply over and over again, I threw it all away to be with someone whom I hardly knew and thought I was in love with. I moved to Leiden in the Netherlands to be with him after we met in Malaysia. Two weeks after I moved I in with him I could tell that I had made a mistake. I still was determined to make the relationship work, but things got worse. Now he and I are both at our breaking point, too much has gone on between us to ignore.  Now I have to leave half my things behind, and start again in Ottawa. I've started this blog in order to keep track of my progress and my motivation going.