Dear Liam,

I really hate these moments of weakness...most of the time I'm strong when it comes to him and there are other times where I feel week. He finally responded to the last message we exchanged after two weeks, I don't know what to say, but I know I'm not responding right now. I'm tired of being weak to him, and him always having the upper hand in everything that goes on between us. I saw pictures that he posted online of a party he went to, and he was posing with this one girl a lot she wasn't really attractive or anything, but it was hard to see. I was wishing I was there, but at the same time the level of drama that was going on in the Netherlands was unreal. It's much easier to deal with things at home, then the daily suffocating pain I was going through there. I still wish he would ultimately decide to choose for us, but I can't put my hope in that. I'm slowly getting over the situation, but it's going to take some time especially when memories and photographs bring me back. It's hard to deal with this when I still have to deal with getting over my other ex, although I've come a long way the wound isn't fully sealed yet. Things kind of were reopened with me coming back to Ottawa, It's strange knowing we are in the same city.

On another note, this last week has been so draining with work and training, plus my interview in Toronto. Everything went well know I just have to pass the drug test and medical. I'm a bit concerned because I last smoked up about 6 weeks ago when I was in Holland, but I think it's been long enough and that I'm safe. After that, I basically need to just wait for a call. Next Tuesday I'm going to have another phone interview with the other airline I've been dealing with. I'm suppose to find out by the end of the week if I'm in or not. Training is suppose to start the first or second week of April. I hope I get this one because with the other airline training isn't till May, that's a long way away! I'm anxious to get things going!

Liam, wish me luck!